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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27975558">Roles, Reversed</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatWaxLion/pseuds/ThatWaxLion'>ThatWaxLion</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Prodigal Son (TV 2019)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Awkwardness, Capable Bright, Dani Has Issues, Dani Powell is High as a Kite, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode Related, F/M, Malcolm Bright &amp; Dani Powell Friendship, Night Terrors, Slow Burn, Trust Issues, higher than a kite actually</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 16:15:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Not Rated</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,226</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27975558</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatWaxLion/pseuds/ThatWaxLion</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Estimé's cocaine stash had exploded on Dani and Bright would have had to babysit her?</p><p>Based on 1x5 'The Trip'.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Gil Arroyo &amp; Dani Powell, Malcolm Bright &amp; Dani Powell, Malcolm Bright/Dani Powell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>62</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Roles, Reversed</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is an alternative version of the aftermath of the club scene from 'The Trip', so I recommend you watch the episode first (but I'm guessing if you're here, you've probably done that already - a couple of times :) to make more sense of this fic.<br/>I'm just having some fun, hope you'll enjoy! :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>…</p><p>Dani looked at him intently. He knew this man once and desperately wanted to believe that it was still the case. But she was who she had always been, a cop first and foremost, and she needed proof.</p><p>“Is everyone right? I heard you were his right hand. Moving product, women…I told them that’s not the Estimé that I knew.” Her glance bored into his, trying to read him, to get through to him. For a moment, she swore she could catch a glimpse of the real him, his friend. The one who picked up her pieces when she was falling apart. But that ghost quickly vanished, as Estimé’s lips curved up into a cynical smile – she’d known that smile, a smile that was always reserved for others. Never for her though.</p><p>„Come on. Where’s my sweet girl? The one that used to party down.”</p><p>Dani shifted uncomfortably, suddenly being very much aware of Bright, standing close behind her, listening intently.</p><p> “I had nothing to do with it,” Estimé continued.</p><p>
  <em>I believe you. </em>
</p><p>„People change. For better… and for worse.” Dani heard her own voice, sounding vaguely familiar to her.</p><p>„You forget what I did for you?”</p><p>She sensed a crack in his composure, and as their eyes met and for a split second, she saw genuine hurt in them. She snapped, her tone carrying more emotion she had wanted to.</p><p>„Why do you think I’m here? I’m trying to help you! But if you don’t tell me the truth, the cops are gonna be all over you.” <em>Come on, Estimé. It’s me. Trust. Me.</em></p><p>His glance slipped away, unwilling to lock eyes with her. She swallowed.</p><p>“You got hard.”</p><p>„I grew up. I had to.” His voice was bitter. And broken. Dani hesitatingly opened her mouth to say something, when she heard Bright’s voice.</p><p>„I have so many questions-”</p><p>Estimé raised his finger, demanding the upper hand, „And I am answering them - ”</p><p>„- they’re all for Dani.” Bright cut him off and stepped forward, turning to her, “How do you know this guy and what happened between you?”</p><p>She turned towards him, his interruption irritating and throwing her off course, „What are you doing?”</p><p>„Agreeing with you. He’s exhibiting stress reactions a profiler could spot from space.”</p><p>Estimé raised his voice, „Yo, I don’t care who you’re rolling with, but I’m not scared, and I didn’t kill- -„</p><p>„Desir? I know.” Bright swung forward, cutting him off again, “Your posturing, pretending to be hard. ’Cause drug dealers are scary,” he was now in full profiler mode,  “Problem is, you’re not a killer. Dani’s been telling me that all day and now I see it.” Though not directed towards her, Dani sensed his apology through his words. She felt some of her tension ease as she turned back to Estimé. She lowered her voice, eyeing the man softly.</p><p>“What really happened with you and Desir? I can’t help you if you don’t tell me the truth.”</p><p>“Desir was my friend.”</p><p>
  <em>I believe you.</em>
</p><p> “I loved him like a brother.” He locked eyes with her for a brief second, to make her understand. And she did. When he spoke up again, Dani sensed the finality in his tone.</p><p>“Tell your people I didn’t do this.”</p><p> Dani hesitated; she could push him further, until he- -</p><p>Her thoughts were interrupted by the sudden loud shrieks coming from downstairs, quickly followed by the ear-splitting sound of rapid gunfire.</p><p>“Get down!” Bright yelled at Dani, but she was already throwing herself to the ground. The sound of glass shattering and screaming pierced her ears but she raised her head just the slightest bit, her eyes searching for Estimé. She caught glance of him as he was ushered away through his office’s backdoor, disappearing from their sight. She was about to turn around to check for Bright, when another round of gunfire erupted. She saw the wooden box, right next to her head, exploding in pieces as the bullets tore through it, and a white cloud blasted up. In slow motion, she saw it descending upon her, encompassing her like a beautiful, airy blanket. She started coughing violently as its particles reached her nostrils, her eyes, her throat.</p><p>“Dani, you okay?” Bright’s voice sounded distant, barely reaching her through the thick fog of the swirling whiteness.</p><p>She slowly closed her eyes, inhaling the familiar cloud, waiting to be lifted up and carried away, far away, to a place she’d known so well.</p><p> </p><p>xxxxx</p><p>“What the hell were you thinking?” Gil hissed, his voice dangerously low, his hands resting on his hips. Bright knew that stance well. His gaze nervously flickered to Dani, who was standing a couple of feet away under the massive chandelier, apparently unaware of the cops and CSI’s roaming the scene around them. Her head was tilted upwards and a soft smile danced on her lips as she stretched out her hands towards the shimmering lights.</p><p>Bright swallowed. <em>Shit. Shit, shit, shit. </em>His mind raced to come up with a plausible explanation that would save both of them.</p><p>He cleared his throat,  “I, uh…I came after Dani, knowing she’d try to talk to Estimé. I wanted to talk to him, too. We … made a call.” He dipped his chin, mentally preparing himself for his mentor’s unavoidable outburst.</p><p>“<em>Before</em> we had a warrant! That’s not a call, that is disobeying a direct order, Bright, and I don’t give damn you’re not officially NYPD, because <em>she</em> is.” Gil pointed towards Dani, his eyes never leaving his.  Bright slightly nodded, deciding that staying silent would be probably the best course of action.</p><p>“And Estimé’s now…where?” Gil asked, anger shaking his voice.</p><p>“I know what this looks like, Gil, but I know now that Estimé did not kill Desir,” Bright tried to reason with him, “he looks like he’s way over his head, believe me.”</p><p>Suddenly, Dani turned around and took a couple of steps closer to them, squeezing Gil’s arm, startling his mentor.</p><p>“Bright’s right Gil. He didn’t do this.” she said softly, smiling. Gil narrowed his eyes, his gaze scanning her features intently. Dani looked at him, her eyes growing wide, her lips quivering. Though standing a foot away, Bright registered her dilated pupils. <em>Another thing that can be spotted from space. </em>He let out a quick sigh and stepped closer, trying to cut off Dani and save whatever there was left to save of the situation. But just as he was about to speak up, Dani suddenly swung forward and wrapped her arms around Gil, hugging him tightly.</p><p>She whispered, or rather, intended to whisper, “When I hit bottom, you…you were there for me. You pulled me out and you helped to fill that void. You showed me what a good man looks like. What a good man <em>is</em>.”</p><p>The Lieutenant, standing stiff as a board, slowly patted Dani’s back. Bright would’ve almost been amused by the scene playing out in front of him, had it not been for Gil’s eyes, peeled on him, his look practically boring holes in his skull.</p><p>“She’s high as a kite.” His dry remark was unnecessary, but was apparently very funny to Dani, as she shook her head and patted Gil’s face, giggling. </p><p>“Oh, come on, Gil. You <em>know</em> I’m higher than a kite.”</p><p>Bright cleared his throat, trying to stifle a smile that was threatening to spread across his face, even though he was well aware of Gil’s boiling anger, “Estimé’s stash exploded on her during gunfire. “</p><p>“<em>What</em>?” Gil’s raised, sharp voice startled him.</p><p>The lieutenant grabbed Dani’s chin to look straight into her eyes. “Dani, are you okay?” his voice was still raised, as he searched her expression, but Bright could now detect concern, too. His gaze wandered between them. Something was there, something he wasn’t privy to.</p><p>Dani just nodded vehemently. “I’m fine. I promise.” She caught sight of the crystal chandelier again and she moved away, clearly mesmerized by the shimmering lights.</p><p>Gil watched her for a couple of seconds, his eyes narrowed, then turned back to Bright.</p><p>“Take her home.”</p><p>Bright blinked at him dumbfoundedly, ready to protest, “What? We’re in the middle o- -“</p><p>“If you can’t behave like a cop, try babysitting.” Gil practically spat,” Till she comes down.”</p><p>He expected him to be annoyed, sure, but Bright thought the level of Gil’s anger was…disproportionate.</p><p>“JT and I have work to do.” Gil finally said coldly, already turning away from him. Bright’s eyes flickered to Dani, who was trying to reach the dangling crystals of the chandelier with her fingers.</p><p>He sighed, his hand running through his hair.</p><p> </p><p>xxxxxxxx</p><p>“Dani, please. <em>I beg of you</em>. Give me your keys.”</p><p>Bright managed to guide Dani out of the club, even though she was heavily protesting against “leaving the lights”, and now they were standing in front of her car.</p><p>Dani shook her head vehemently, touching the hood of her battered and bruised LeBaron.</p><p>“I can’t. I know you’re reckless Bright. And he’s my friend. The <em>only </em>one I trust.” her voice cracked with emotion as she began gently stroking the windshield of her car. Bright closed his eyes for a second, wondering how all of his life decisions had led him to this very moment. He slowly exhaled, opened his eyes again and gently grabbed Dani’s shoulders, turning her towards him.</p><p>“I <em>promise</em> you, Detective Powell, I will treat your car with nothing but the utmost respect it deserves, “ he spoke slowly, trying to sound as patient as he hadn’t felt in the last forty minutes. Dani locked eyes with him, and for long seconds, she just stared at him, then finally, a slow smile spread across her face. She reached into her pocket and fished out her car keys.</p><p>“That’s all I needed to hear.” she held up the keys for Bright to grab, who swiftly snatched it from her fingers, before she could change her mind. He opened the passenger’s door for her and made sure she got in, half-expecting her to run back to that chandelier.</p><p>As soon as he climbed behind the wheels, he turned to her. “So, where do you live?”</p><p>Dani turned her head towards him, her expression dead serious.</p><p>“In this very moment,” she whispered, then leaned out the window, letting the soft breeze play with her curls. Bright rubbed his face tiredly.</p><p>“I know Dani and that’s…great. But what’s your address? Where is your apartment?”</p><p>“Somewhere…over the rainbow….way up…<em>high</em>” her soft humming turned into a giggle as she got to the last word.</p><p>“Okay then.” Bright pinched the bridge of his nose. He tapped the screen of his phone, hitting Gil’s name. Busy. He scrolled down and tapped the screen again. “Come on, JT, pick up, pick up…” he whispered, while eyeing Dani. She indeed seemed to be living in that very moment, looking out the window with a dreamy smile, her fingers dancing in the air, as if she were playing some kind of instrument.</p><p>When JT didn’t pick up either, Bright let out an exasperated sigh and put away his phone. He tapped the wheel lightly with his fingertips, contemplating their next move. He couldn’t take her back to the club, that was a given. But he also couldn’t wait for either of his team members to call him back as they were probably busy working the club-turned-crime scene. And busy being pissed at them. He couldn’t drive her to the precinct, either, not wanting to risk her humiliation. That left him with only one option.</p><p>“Let’s bring you to <em>a</em> home, then,” he muttered, starting the engine.</p><p> </p><p>xxxxxxxx</p><p>“But I’m telling you Bright, we gotta see the ducks at night! I bet they’re completely different animals in the dark,” Dani nearly tripped on the doormat in front of Bright’s apartment as she vehemently tried to explain the importance of nocturnal duck observations in Central Park to him. Bright managed to steady her by her elbow and open the door to his apartment at the same time. As soon as Dani heard Sunshine’s eager chirp, she rushed past by him towards her cage.</p><p>“All right, the best thing you can do for the next seven hours or so is to stay calm and drink lots of water,” Bright tried to reason with her, or at least her back, as she was now in the far end of the loft, her attention solely focused on Sunshine, gently stroking its feathers through the cage.</p><p>He shook his head lightly, strolling to the kitchen counter to pour her some water. He checked his phone and cleared the missed call notifications from JT and Gil. At least that problem was solved.</p><p>“OH MY GOD!” her loud shriek made him nearly jump out of his skin and he anxiousy whirled around, looking for her. Dani was now standing in front of his weapon collection, gasping at the sight.</p><p>“Are these…broad bladed axes? Bright!” She turned around and as soon as she caught sight of Bright across the room, she rushed towards him, apparently unaware of the couch in her way.</p><p>“Dani watch o- -“ his last word got caught in his throat as Dani, coming to Archimedes’ ancient conclusion that the shortest path between two points is a straight line, jumped up on the couch with apparently every intention to jump off on the other side to get to him. Bright slammed down the glass on the counter and jumped towards her, just in time, as Dani’s heels got caught in the couch padding and she toppled over, falling right into his arms. Bright managed to grab her by her waist, tumbling backwards from the sudden weight landing on him. He was able to mitigate her impact and held her steady until she found her balance again.</p><p>“Whoa, whoa, okay detective Powell, slow down, “ he let go of her, a faint scent of coconut still lingering in his nostrils. Dani looked at him with large eyes, her enthusiastic expression almost childlike. She grabbed the hem of his shirt and pulled him closer, making Bright increasingly uncomfortable as he caught whiff of that coconut scent again.</p><p>“You and me-” she breathed.</p><p><em>Coconut and something…else.</em> <em>Her scent.</em></p><p>“- broad bladed axes.” She let go of him abruptly and started unbuckling her heels, kicking them off her feet.</p><p>“No” Bright said firmly, shaking his head to make his point clear, and to clear his head.</p><p>Dani was about to run back to the weapons, when she caught sight of his record player. She stopped short, eyeing it eagerly and eventually turning it on. As soon as the tunes of Mack the Knife filled the room, she started swaying to the rhythm.</p><p>“God, how I’ve missed this feeling!” she closed her eyes and smiled, an admission Bright felt was more addressed to herself than him.</p><p>He watched her dancing, her movements unreserved, her body completely in tune with the music. <em>I guess that’s what they mean by ‘dance like no one is watching’</em>. He could hardly believe that this was the same Dani Powell who stood in the conference room merely twelve hours ago, gripping the back of the chair, defiant, refusing to accept his profile on Estimé but refusing to give him any reason as to why, to give anything away about him or their past relationship. And Bright knew exactly why. Because then, she’d had to reveal something about herself too in the process, and that, as Bright had already grasped about her, was something she wasn’t comfortable with. He wasn’t even profiling her and yet, one remark from him that addressed her assumed history with Estimé was enough to trigger her, to shut him out. And ever since then, Bright couldn’t help but wonder why this bothered <em>him</em> so much, in turn. He was used to hostile remarks, whenever he crossed that line and profiled someone who was not really receptive of that. He was used to people suddenly turning away, shutting down, eyeing him suspiciously. And most of the time, he couldn’t blame those people, and most of the time, he didn’t care.</p><p>But much to his surprise, he cared when he saw the same reaction from Dani. Throughout the course of their acquaintanceship – granted, they hadn’t known each other for that long – there were moments where he thought they understood each other. That she accepted him, even. Because every snarky remark, every eyeroll still… carried warmth. And just when he thought they were on the brink of becoming friends, she apparently had drawn a clear line in the proverbial sand between them.</p><p> </p><p>And now, the same Dani Powell in a top that shimmered in the dimmed lights and a skirt he will never see again, was dancing in his loft, letting her guard down, completely and utterly unaware of her surroundings. He knew he should probably try and dictate at least some water into her, but he didn’t have the heart to break her moment. Besides, there was something about her dance that intrigued him. The way her body moved was seductive, but without the intent to seduce.</p><p>“You know, people say that dopamine triggers pleasure“ - Dani’s voice startled her and he quickly blinked, listening to her rather than watching her- “but really, it’s about desire.”</p><p>She suddenly stopped dancing and grabbed the tumbler glass on the counter. She quickly gulped down the water and put the glass back, her gaze dropping to her fingers as she drew invisible circles on its surface.</p><p>“Desire…to be someone you can’t.” she added, her voice lower, her eyes still peeled on the glass. Bright was unsure what to say but felt the need to say something. Just as he was about to open his mouth, suddenly, Dani snapped her head in his direction.</p><p>“Answer me this though, Mr. Profiler,” her voice was now high-pitched, almost challenging, as she put her hands on her hips, eyeing him. Bright felt slightly nervous, not knowing what to expect.</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>Dani opened her mouth, then hesitatingly closed it again. She furrowed her brows. Bright waited, hoping that whatever she was about to ask was something… cocaine-fueled and not connected to their conversation at the precinct earlier. He shot her a questioning glance. Dani finally shook her head. “No, I just lost it.” A laughter bubbled up in her chest as she rubbed her forehead. “My short term memory is just…-“</p><p>“O-kay.,” Bright quickly cut her off, realizing that so far, he hadn’t done much to get her down from her high, “why don’t you go and throw some water in your face and I’m gonna make you something to eat.”</p><p>“Right, right,” she nodded vehemently, running her hand through her curls, “let’s make…grilled cheese!” her eyes grew large again, excitement radiating through her words.</p><p>“Well I thought about making you a crumble, but okay,” he chuckled, turning to his refrigerator.</p><p>“You know what?” her voice stopped him, “I’m pretty sure I will forget this, but” – she stopped short, a sudden wave of emotions clouding her features- “I really don’t want to.”</p><p>Her gaze dropped. Bright waited in silence, unsure how to respond, how to handle her apparent rollercoaster of emotions. She lifted her head again, her expression now more serene. “Thank you. For taking care of me.”</p><p>Bright slowly nodded, a soft, sad smile tugging the corners of his lips. “What are friends for.”</p><p>Dani shook her head, giggling. “Wait wait wait. We’re<em> friends </em>now?”</p><p>Bright felt a hot flush in his cheeks and felt his hand tremble lightly as he fidgeted with the hem of his vest. “I mean… I know we’re not really, I mean, not yet, but…” he closed his mouth, suddenly feeling embarrassed by his own rambling.</p><p>“I’m out of practice with friends,” she sighed, running her fingers again through her curls as she sat down on the bar stool next to the counter, “with…companionship.”</p><p>Bright lifted his gaze from the floor and nodded sympathetically, “That’s all right. I don’t have a lot of friends either. Apparently. I have…”</p><p> “… issues with trust. Yeah, I can’t really go there anymore either.” she nodded, finishing his thought, staring in front of her.</p><p>“You can trust me.” Bright said quietly, not risking to look at her, even though she was seemingly off again, somewhere far away. In her memories or fantasies, he’ll never know. Suddenly, her gaze darted to him again. “Please tell me you have Jarlsberg!”</p><p><em>What now? Jarlsb…okay</em>. He nodded.</p><p>“In fact, I do. Now go wash up. I’m on it.”</p><p>“With the- -“</p><p>“I’m <em>on it.”</em></p><p>Dani shot him a hesitating look, but then turned around, searching for the bathroom.</p><p>“That way,” he pointed to the back of the loft and watched her barefoot skips until she disappeared behind the door.</p><p>Bright let out a puff of air and rubbed his face. He was hoping against hope that this rollercoaster of moods will soon end for her. Ironically, even though she was the one in this vulnerable and exposed state of mind, he felt increasingly exposed too and somehow it was getting harder and harder for him to jump on and off of this wagon. For reasons he couldn’t quite comprehend.</p><p>He pulled out the cheese from his fridge, a small miracle credited to his mother or more precisely, her maid, for even having something edible in there. As he was searching for a skillet, Dani emerged from the bathroom. To Bright’s mild surprise, she did as she was told and washed her face, her makeup now gone. He found she looked younger like that. More…vulnerable.</p><p>“Cheese will be ready soon,” he cleared his throat. Dani nodded, her enthusiasm apparently worn off. She stifled a yawn.</p><p>“Good. I’m just going to lay down until then,” she mumbled, her gaze wandering around the loft, eventually setting on his couch.</p><p>Bright shook his head, “That’s not ideal for resting.”</p><p>“Then why do you have it?” she shot him a curious glance.</p><p>“Precisely because of that.” Bright gestured towards his bed, “I’ll let you know when your midnight snack is ready.”</p><p>Dani smiled dreamily and strutted to his bed. He could tell by her movements, agitated and energetic before, that the drug was starting to wear off – she was almost carrying herself, her body seemingly drained from all the excess energy. He let out a relieved sigh. She was coming down.</p><p>He turned back and opened the fridge again to find anything that would go with the grilled cheese. Or maybe some desert. Anything sweet. He eyed the twizzlers on the counter skeptically, contemplating whether it would be a good idea for her stomach to mix the grilled cheese and the twizzlers. Maybe not.</p><p>“Hey Dani; what about twizzlers?”</p><p>When he heard no response, he turned around. “Dani?”</p><p>She was lying on his bed with eyes closed, one hand tucked under her head, the other resting on her stomach. The steady rise and fall of her chest indicated that she was sound asleep.</p><p>Bright quietly turned off the stove and walked to the bed, grabbing the afghan from the couch on his way. His glance swept over her, taking in her peaceful features, her dark curls spread out on his cover, her long, lean legs slightly curled up. His gaze lingered just a moment longer than he intended to, before his eyes quickly fluttered away from her. He draped the cover across her and tucked her in.</p><p>He thought about calling Gil to check in, but he wasn’t keen on being on the receiving end of his wrath again. Besides, he knew if there were any new developments, he’d call anyway, regardless how pissed he was at him. He opted for texting him instead.</p><p>
  <em>Dani’s asleep now. She’s okay. Any news on Estimé?</em>
</p><p>He poured himself a glass of water, waiting for him to text back. He received his reply in five minutes.</p><p>
  <em>Good. No developments. </em>
</p><p>Bright sighed. Through the course of the last day and a half, his mind slowly began piecing the puzzle together.</p><p>
  <em>Not everyone is keen on revisiting their past.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Where’s my sweet girl? The one that used to party down.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>When I hit bottom, you…you were there for me. You pulled me out and you helped to fill that void.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Come on, Gil. You know I’m higher than a kite.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Desire…to be someone you can’t.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I’m out of practice with friends.</em>
</p><p>Dani had some history with drug abuse, one that Gil knew about quite profoundly, that much dawned on Bright already when he sensed Gil’s anger and worry when he told him about the exploded stash. And that history was somehow connected to Estimé apparently. When they arrived at the crime scene a day earlier, Dani knew exactly what she was looking for and obviously knew the key players of the scene – she was unusually antagonistic and unreceptive of his challenging questions. She <em>did </em>do a stint in Narcotics, that much she had admitted. But what was the link between her and Estimé?</p><p>Bright pulled his Mac into his lap as he nestled into the couch, determined to find out. But once he accessed NYPD’s restricted personnel database, his fingers hovered hesitatingly over the keyboard. It would be so easy to confirm his theory about her past. Really, it wouldn’t be as much about digging for info, but more like confirming what he had already guessed. No harm, no foul. And yet; it still felt like…a breach of her confidence, which, however fragile it was, he felt she had in him. Somehow, it felt like he would go behind her back by digging into her past and not letting her confide in him on her own terms.</p><p>He quickly shut his laptop and rubbed his eyes tiredly. He glanced at his watch. 1:42 am. The night was still young, and he wasn’t sure whether he could expect any further… developments regarding her drug-induced state. His glance swept over her. She was sleeping peacefully. He opened his laptop again, this time looking for every available data on Estimé and Desir.</p><p> </p><p>xxxxxxxx</p><p>“Lemme through. I need to see him…”</p><p>Bright stirred on the couch as his mind slowly registered her mumbling voice coming from his bed.</p><p>“I said let me through…I need to see…no. NO. DAD!!!!”</p><p>His eyes sprang open, her loud cry jolted him right to his feet, his laptop hitting the ground with a thud. Bright raced to the bed, where Dani was tossing and turning, her frantic screams ripping through the quiet dawn.</p><p>“Dani, it’s okay. It’s just a dream. Wake up,” he spoke loudly, trying to wake her up, but he kept his tone measured, not wanting to further agitate her. He leaned over her, trying to hold her face steady but she violently jerked her head away and began kicking and screaming again, her hands gripping his and pushing him away forcefully, “Dad, NO, NO, NO!!”</p><p> The force of her kicks and strikes surprised him, and, as her punch barely missed his jaw and she continued to scream in agony, he quickly got on the bed and tackled her, his legs caging her torso to block her moves, while gripping her wrists and pinning her down firmly into the mattress, trying to still her body with using as little force as possible, fearing he might hurt her.</p><p>“Dani, it’s me, Bright. Wake up. It’s just a nightmare. Wake up,” he continued talking in a calm, raised voice, feeling her body wriggling forcefully between his knees. She was strong.</p><p>Finally, her eyes sprung open, darting frantically around, until her gaze settled on his face. She was panting, her face flushed and wet with tears, her features still distorted by terror. Bright immediately eased his hold on her, and as he saw her body beginning to tremble again, he gently pulled her up and wrapped his hands around her, enveloping her in a tight embrace – a calming motion he had learned by experience to be very effective.  He felt her arms wrapping around his neck and squeezing him tightly, holding onto him.</p><p>“It’s okay Dani. It’s okay. You’re safe. You had a nightmare. You’re okay.” he talked quietly now into her curls. He felt her skin under her shirt burning up, as her body heat rose in her turmoil. Her breathing, still hitched, slowly, gradually transformed into quiet sobs as he was gently rocking her back and forth. He felt her tension ease, her body relaxing. Her grip loosened on his neck and he held her, silently thankful that he was able to provide her comfort for once and not the other way around; that somehow, he was able to drive her demons back to wherever they came from, even if only for the time being.</p><p>He held her in his arms until he recognized her steady, deep breathing, her body now completely limb in his embrace. She fell back asleep. Bright slowly, carefully leaned her back on the mattress. For a brief moment, Bright contemplated staying with her in case another episode of her comedown would occur, but even with his restraints, he couldn’t know for sure whether it would be safe to lie next to her. He didn’t want to add his own demons to the mix. There were apparently enough lingering around them already.</p><p>He shifted away and got up, careful not to wake her up again in the process. His eyes caught sight of her top shimmering in the dimmed lights and for a brief moment, the memory of her cool fingers brushing against his skin as she adjusted the straps on his restraints not so many nights ago flashed in his mind. He didn’t know her well back then and he didn’t know her now either. Somehow, it seemed to him that the more he thought he started figuring her out, the less he actually knew. There were so many layers, so many intriguing contradictions about her, that just made him want to learn more about her. He might well be still in the dark yet, but now he felt just the slightest bit…closer to her.</p><p>He dragged himself to the kitchen counter, collecting his laptop from the floor on his way. He was determined to stay awake in case Dani had another nightmare.</p><p> </p><p>xxxxxx</p><p>She opened her eyes and quickly shut it again. God, it was too bright. It hurt. She forced herself to open them again, squinting heavily. She propped herself up, glancing around uncertainly in the loft.</p><p>
  <em>Oh yes. About last night.</em>
</p><p>She sighed, running her fingers through her curls. Her head was pounding, and she couldn’t tell whether she looked shittier than she felt or vice versa, but she was about to find out. She untangled herself from the afghan and tiptoed towards the bathroom, after catching sight of a sleeping Bright. On the counter. She sighed again, the faint feeling of guilt settling in her stomach. She quietly closed the door behind her, hoping that the loft was large enough (it certainly seemed like it) to absorb the noise of the running water. She didn’t want to wake him up earlier than he would anyway. After a quick search, she found the drawer with the clean towels and swiftly shed her clothes, wincing in the process as her muscles ached with every move. Yeah, she didn’t miss that particular feature.</p><p>As she stepped into the shower, she went through her mental checklist. <em>Muscle ache, headache, fatigue? Check. Excessive thirst? Check. Nausea? Not yet. Increased appetite? Check. Physical shaking and tremors? So far, so good. Depression? Well.</em></p><p>She wasn’t too thrilled to put back on yesterday’s clubbing outfit, even though she felt somewhat clean now. She felt slightly exposed in the her off-shoulder top and the skirt, especially so in broad, too broad daylight and especially in Bright’s apartment. She sighed, looking in the mirror. <em>Redness of the eyes? Check.</em></p><p>The familiar feeling of shame crept up in her veins, pulsing through her like an old virus. The thing about coke is that she remembered. The details were fuzzy, but she had always remembered when and how she lost control, the very thing that kept her together and she was so desperate to shed at once. Before she found balance, it was either one or the other for her. Always the extremes. She remembered that euphoric feeling, that deceptive freedom. That absurd feeling that overcame her in his apartment last night. The feeling of somehow belonging there, that Malcolm Bright, whom she barely knew, was the person who made… sense to her.</p><p>But, after the high comes the comedown, of course. And with that, the intense feeling of shame and guilt and the feeling of being just so, so little. And she had desperately wanted to be more again or just be… enough, for once.</p><p>But this was different, she glanced at her reflection in the mirror, because it wasn’t a mistake. It was an accident. Accidents happen. And she hoped that Bright wouldn’t judge her.</p><p>She emerged from the bathroom, unsure what to do next, as Bright was still in the same position, lying on the counter, sleeping. She contemplated gathering her shoes, keys and phone and slipping out quietly, sending him a thank-you text, but somehow that didn’t feel…appropriate. After all, he babysat her throughout the whole night. And she wasn’t behaving like her bubbly, lovable six-year-old niece does on a Friday night. Not by a long shot.</p><p>But, they had a job to do, so.</p><p>Dani poured herself a tall glass of water, quickly downed it and scanned the kitchen for his French press, hoping that the grinder will make enough noise to wake Bright up, although she wasn’t really enthusiastic about their upcoming conversation. Not at all.</p><p>Just as the timer went off, the radio kicked in, suddenly filling the space with loud, cheerful tunes. Bright’s head jerked up, his eyes sprang open and and quickly settled on her once he regained focus.</p><p>“Morning,” she mumbled sheepishly, pushing down the plunger, “Coffee?”</p><p>Bright nodded, rubbing his face.</p><p>“How did you sleep?” she asked, her eyes cautiously avoiding his. He shrugged.</p><p>“Well, on a counter. But, I slept – “ he fumbled around on the cool marble until his fingers found his phone and he glanced at it “- for full five hours. Wow. I should sleep here every night.” He chuckled, his eyes searching her expression. “How are you?”</p><p>“Better.” <em>Lie.</em> Well, not completely. She cleared her throat, “I’m…sorry. For having to babysit me and all.” <em>For seeing me like this. </em>She felt a blush creeping up on her cheeks.</p><p>Bright waved his hand in the air dismissively and gulped from the coffee. “That’s okay. You were okay. Well… you are now.” He tried to hold her gaze, but her eyes slid away.</p><p>Yes, the details might have been fuzzy but some images, sounds, scents flashed in her mind. The padding of the couch as her legs got entangled in it, the icy silver of the blades, the smell of cheese, and the sound of a gunshot, his dad, as he slowly fell down to the ground, the police officers who wouldn’t let her through. Her own screams. His arms. His scent. His voice as he held her steady, whispering in her hair.</p><p>But maybe, maybe, some of it didn’t actually happen. Like the part where she witnessed her own father’s death. That never happened. That was only her cruel imagination. Maybe the whole thing was her imagination. His scent included.</p><p>“So…umm…was I cool?” she asked, trying to muster a nonchalant tone, her fingers drumming on the coffee mug.</p><p>“As cool as a cocaine-fueled cucumber,” he snickered, his voice carrying warmth that spread through her veins.</p><p>She glanced up, her eyes finally meeting his.</p><p>No, he wasn’t judging her.</p><p>“I could tell last night was hard,” he paused, looking at her intently. Dani wasn’t sure whether he meant meeting Estimé at the club, or…something else. She hesitated for a second, not knowing how to respond. For the first time in a long time, she suddenly didn’t completely…abhor the idea of talking to someone about her dad. But she wasn’t used to express those feelings she kept so close to herself they nearly suffocated her; she was so out of practice with talking about herself, she barely felt the need for it anymore. But now, something stirred inside her, something that maybe had something to do with him, seemingly not judging her. Understanding her. She bit down on her lower lip, unsure and frankly, lost, on how to…proceed.</p><p>Bright must have sensed something. “…seeing Estimé. What was he like when you first met?”</p><p>She glanced up, into his eyes, a sheepish smile curling her lips upward.</p><p>
  <em>Thank you.</em>
</p><p>“When I was undercover, I infiltrated Desir’s crew,” she began hesitatingly.</p><p>And with that, words that never found their way on her lips before, somehow escaped with ease, as she told him about that segment of her past. To her surprise, she found it to be easier than she had thought. </p><p>Yes, she was out of practice with friends. But as she looked into his eyes, understanding and nonjudgemental, she thought that maybe, just maybe, she could go there, after all.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thanks for reading! As always, any and all comments are highly appreciated and very much welcome.<br/>Also, if you like this alternative version-thing, I recommend you reading 'i didn't even know that i was cold" by gay_writes_with_mac; she wrote an awesome alternative version of The Trip and when I read it I was already in the middle of this fic; after reading that one, however, I was about to give up on mine and abandon it, but she was so kind to encourage me not to drop it. :) So, here it is. </p><p>Also, none of these characters belong to me yada yada yada.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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